


Two Pats

by Septic84



Series: PFF Bingo 2019 [9]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2019, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Derogatory Language, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Soulmate AU, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 02:41:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21190220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septic84/pseuds/Septic84
Summary: A coming of age story of two soulmates.(TW: Homophobic language, bullying, violence)





	Two Pats

They say that soulmates can reach out to each other, even when they cannot communicate, that is how when their mothers met in the doctor's office for their checkups, they were drawn to each other. 

As the months passed and pregnancies progressed, Karen and Kath were amazed to find out that they lived on the same street, four houses apart from one another. Becoming fast friends, the women were constantly together. Their bond may have been inspired by their unborn children, but the friendship was growing stronger every day. 

Dan and Phil could feel each other in the womb, they knew one another before either of them took their first breath of air. It was no surprise that when Kath went into labor on a sunny day in September, that Karen followed by ten minutes (even though her due date wasn’t for two more weeks.) They both went to the same hospital; they gave birth two rooms apart within minutes of each other. It was as if the babies themselves had orchestrated their births. 

“They must be soulmates,” the nurse had joked, Kath and Karen seemed to agree. 

They teethed within days of each other, crawled on the same Tuesday afternoon, walked for the first time in the same week, and both said their first words on the same day, facing each other while their mothers chatted sipping coffee. The word was “mine,” Their mothers knew from that day the boys were inseparable. 

Dan knew when Phil was upset, Phil could feel when Dan was happy, and if they were away from each other too long, they both felt despair. They learned this the hard way when Phil had gone to stay with his grandparents for a summer when they were 8. After two weeks, both boys were so sad that Phil’s grandmother came and got Dan. The adults could tell that within minutes of being in the same room, both boys were instantly better. “Mine,” Phil said to Dan, “Mine,” Dan mirrored to Phil. 

Things were easier when they were little kids; no one could explain the bond the boys had. Surely it couldn’t be that they were actual soulmates, no such thing existed, but as children, It was easier to indulge in their need for closeness. 

"Why are you always hugging?" A classmate asked one day at school, 

"Hugging is nice," Phil responded 

"You're stupid," This was the start of the boys becoming self-conscious about their uncommon bond. 

When they both entered into Middle school, they soon realized that not everyone was as nice as they were. They were relentlessly teased about how they looked, how they acted, the clothes they wore and how much time they spent together. Dan and Phil quickly realized that to survive, they were not allowed to be affectionate with each other anymore, at least not in public. 

“It’s stupid,” Phil said, “Who cares what they think.” 

“I do,” Dan said, embarrassed. “I just want them to like us, and they don't. We have to stop being "us" around them.” 

“Okay, Dan, I'll do whatever you want.” Phil wasn't sure what he had meant, but after that day they behaved differently around each other, anyone else, and even their mothers. 

After a month of this Phil was having a hard time with their new friendship, so while playing Sonic the Hedgehog he said, “Dan, I don’t like the way we are anymore. We aren't the same. It feels like we’re lying,” 

“It’s not lying!” He insisted, “It’s acting, it’s not lying.” 

“But it feels like we are "acting” with each other too. I hate it,” 

“What if we had a signal, just between you and me? Something that is just ours?” 

“What do you mean?” One web search later they had come up with the perfect signal to express fondness, two pats to the chest. In American sign language, this meant “mine,” 

In 1999 they both had started their freshmen year at high school at Pine Oaks high, if they thought middle school was bad, they were in for a rude awakening. Life was cruel and unforgiving and now new insults were thrown at them. They had to enhance their acting skills to get it to stop, at least that's what Dan had said. They had picked a group of neutral friends, “inbetweeners”, but even they were not entirely safe. 

“Is that a Buffy shirt?” 

“Yeah,” 

“That’s gay, Phil,” 

“I’d let Buffy slay me!” 

“Fuck off, Pete, she wouldn’t slay your gay ass,” 

“Fuck off, faggot,” 

Dan and Phil used these words too, it was just how it was, that’s how they blended, that’s how they would be safe. Their encounters in Middle school taught them that going with the flow kept them out of the line of fire. The morality of it wasn’t questioned, this was their survival. 

“You’re all gay,” Dan said, taking the focus off of Phil, 

“Fuck off Howell, you’re the biggest faggot here.” 

Phil felt Dan’s racing heart, his face flush, and his shame. This was when they understood how those words hurt, how they felt, what they did. Phil caught his eye and subtly gave his chest two pats; this calmed Dan down. 

Everyone was listening to Eminem by the end of the year, so they did too. They liked it, they rapped it, they represented it. It should have felt wrong, they should have felt disgusted with the things they said, they didn’t. After all, words were just words, it’s not like it hurt anyone. They knew better, still, they lied to themselves. “We’re acting,” Dan insisted, but in the back of both of their minds, something didn’t feel right about it. Still, they laughed and joined in with their "friends," that's just what you did. "Everyone likes it, Phil, it's okay." It still felt wrong to Phil that they had every word to the Marshall Mathers LP memorized, but he stayed quiet. He didn't want to lose Dan. 

Their sophomore year brought some changes, they still said the words to try to fit in, but it was different now. They didn’t speak to their “friends” from freshmen year and the new group of people they sat with were mostly loners. They slotted themselves quietly and unassumingly in the corner of the lunchroom, rarely speaking. They liked this better, if everyone was quiet, it made “acting” a lot easier. 

The later part of that year was the first time one of them had been physically attacked. It was surprising it took this long if they thought about it. School staff often turned a blind eye to certain students, their high school was no different. Dan had been walking to math when he felt a sharp pain in his belly, followed by another, then another. He was knocked to his knees, clutching his stomach, panicking before he realized these were not his pains, they were Phil's. Forcing himself up he was able to follow the feeling directly to him, he found Phil crumpled into a ball, with his back resting against a locker. His head was on his knees and Dan could tell his breathing was labored. 

“Phil,” 

He raised his head, his eyes puffy and wet from crying, “Pete,” was all he said. Yes, life was cruel, because in a year your friend could become your worst enemy, and he had. Pete had decided that Phil was a “real faggot,” and made it his mission to harass Phil every day. Phil wasn’t giving him the attention he was seeking, so now he would take it, by force. 

“Should I get someone?” 

“No,” Phil choked out, “You know it will just get worse,” They sat there, alone, in silence. No teachers or staff members came, no students cared enough to stop, and once again it was Dan and Phil against the world. Dan wanted to comfort Phil, he nudged his arm so Phil looked at him, and patted his chest two times. Phil forced a smile as more tears ran down his face. 

A girl called Emily had asked Dan to the spring dance, her friend Ivy wanted to ask Phil. 

“I’m not sure what I am supposed to say, Dan,” Phil said, 

“Phil. It’s normal, it's what we’re supposed to do. We’re supposed to take girls to the dance,” 

“You know I don’t want to take her to the dance,” 

“I know, but if you do, you can prove to Pete and the rest of them that you aren’t actually a fag, Maybe they won’t hurt you again,” Dan could feel the sadness in Phil’s heart and saw the tears in his eyes. “Please don’t cry Phil, I am trying to get us out of High school alive,” 

“Okay,” 

They dressed up, bought corsages and lined up for pictures, Kath drove Dan, Phil and their dates to a restaurant for dinner, and then to the Dance. Karen would pick them up. 

“This is going to be so much fun!” Emily said, cuddling close and squeezing Dan’s arm. 

“Ah, yeah,” Dan said. Thankfully his hesitation could be played off as nerves. 

“Are you looking forward to the dance?” Ivy asked Phil, he smiled. 

“Yeah, it sure will be. I can’t wait,” Emily was blabbering to Dan, Dan nodded politely, agreeing and hoping she was going to shut up. Phil watched Dan, his guts twisted watching her touch him. He turned back to his "date," Ivy was giving him a look. Had he said the wrong thing? “Ah, sorry,” 

She smiled kindly, “Don’t be nervous,” she patted his leg, nodding at Dan as if she knew. “It’s okay, School dances are complicated.” Phil panicked; she knew he didn't want to be here with her, but did she know he was upset watching Emily cling to Dan? 

“Excuse me,” He got up and went to the bathroom. Why were they doing this? They should have just stayed home and played video games, ate pizza, or anything else that wouldn't entail them having to put on a show. Phil was so sick of acting, he was starting to have issues recognizing where the "acting" stopped and where his real feelings started. He expected Dan to come and check on him, but he didn’t. That wouldn't be normal, that would make people ask questions they couldn't answer. Phil took a deep breath, looked in the mirror and went back to dinner. “And Action,” he muttered to himself as he sat down. 

They both awkwardly danced with their dates, clumsy and embarrassingly. “It wasn’t me” by Shaggy was currently playing, their dates were having a lot of fun. Phil laughed and when he allowed himself to relax and stop acting, he was having fun too. Dan was having just as much fun as he was. 

“Oh look, fag boy got a pity date,” Pete had pushed his way into the circle. “Of course, fag boy would take you Ivy, you ugly bitch,” No one said anything, for years they had been told by parents, teachers and school counselors to “Ignore them and they will get bored and go away or stop,” In reality, all that did was spur them on more. “Can’t stand up for his date, what a pussy bitch,” Pete and his friends laughed before he shoved Phil onto the floor, spitting on him as he walked away. After it was over, one of the teachers came over to them, telling them to “break it up,” as if Phil had been a willing participant. This was the way it was, after all, boys will be boys, won't they? Pete scoffed and was allowed to walk away carefree, while Phil was left on the ground. 

“Phil, are you okay?” Ivy crouched next to him as he slowly sat up onto his knees. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” 

Dan didn’t move, he just watched Phil, he could feel the anger, humiliation, and fear running through him. Phil got up and they all acted as if nothing had happened, what else was he supposed to do? At least he was good at acting. His knees and wrist hurt from the hard impact on the gymnasium floor, but at least it wasn’t his stomach. Phil wished that he had just stayed home. 

After their dates were dropped off and they were headed home, the car was silent. Dan could feel Phil’s humiliation, and sadness, but when he tried to take his hand, Phil yanked it away. Karen said, “You staying over, Phil?” 

“Not tonight,” 

“Oh?” 

“Not feeling well,” 

“Oh, I’m sorry kiddo. I’ll drop you off in your driveway,” 

“Thank you,” 

Dan looked at Phil confused, as Phil said nothing and got out of the car. 

“What was all that about,” Karen asked, “Are you guys fighting?” 

“I don’t know,” Dan said quietly. 

Dan woke up around three in the morning, something was wrong. After he took inventory of his own body, he knew it was Phil. He pulled on a hoodie and shoes, sneaking out of the window to go check on him. It wasn't as if he could call Phil, he would wake the whole house up. He moved swiftly in the dark through the back yards, tripping only once. He knocked on Phil’s window, there was no response. He walked around the house to find Phil on his front porch. 

“Hey,” 

“Hi.” 

“Were you calling to me?” 

“Not intentionally,’ Dan could feel the bitterness and anger coming off of Phil, 

“Why are you out here in the middle of the night Phil?” 

“I can’t sleep, and I am so fucking mad,” 

Dan sat next to him, “I know,” 

“I would have hoped that you, of all people, would have done something,” 

“I was scared,” 

“Yeah, well I was too,” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

“Dan?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Don’t ever make me ask someone else to a dance again. Ever,” 

“I won’t, I promise,” 

“Good,” 

“Phil,” 

“What?” 

“Do you know why I was scared?” 

“Probably because Pete would have beaten your ass too,” 

“No, well yes, but no, that’s not why,” 

“Why?” 

“Because I feel like they see us, Phil. The real us, they see through the acting," 

“Is that so bad?” 

“I’m not sure,” 

Their Junior year started much like the others, Emily and Ivy were pleasant but they never hung out again. As they went to their usual table, the "loners," no longer were there, replacing them was a small boy with bright blue eyes and ginger hair, and a tall brooding boy in a black trench coat, black eyeliner, and lipstick. He was a "goth," new year, new people. 

As they sat down, the ginger-haired boy smiled widely, “Hi! I’m Gideon,” He had a British accent, “I’m the exchange student,” 

“Dan, Phil,” Dan introduced them, 

“I hope it’s alright I sit here, I’m a little overwhelmed, to be honest,” he giggled, loudly. 

“Fag!” someone yelled at him. 

The goth boy stood up, “Why don't you come over here and say that? Get fucked, asshole,” 

Dan and Phil’s eyes both went wide, but the boy who had yelled seemed to have thought better of it and sat back down. 

"That's what I thought," He sat back down. 

Gideon laughed, “What’s your name,” 

“Freddy,” 

Dan and Phil nodded politely towards him. 

The four of them sat together every lunch period, Gideon was a junior, Freddy was a Sophomore, but they all got along. For the first time since they were little, Dan and Phil felt that maybe they could stop acting. 

“I fucking hate that class, it’s so gay,” Dan said, taking a bite of whatever sludge the had served that day. 

“Why are you using that word like that?” 

“What?” 

“Gay, like it's bad,” 

“Ah,” 

“Don’t make that word pejorative, Daniel.” Gideon chastised. 

“I don’t even know what that means,” 

“It means you are offending me, please don’t use that word that way,” 

“Oh, sorry.” 

“It seems a lot of people use that word as if it is something bad and vial here, I don't understand.” 

“Are you gay?” Freddy asked, 

Phil gaped at him, “You can't just ask that,” 

Gideon laughed, “Why not? It’s not bad Phil, and I’m Bi, actually,” He took a sip of his water, “but being a part of the LGBTQ community, it’s still offensive to use that word in that manner. I’d prefer it if you didn’t” 

“Me too,” Freddy said, sideways glancing at Phil. “I mean, for both,” Phil felt the jealousy start to boil in Dan’s veins, 

“Dan, relax mate, no one is about to shove their tongue down your throat.” Gideon was trying to get him to relax. 

“I didn’t think that, it’s not that,” He looked up at Phil and patted his chest twice, hard, 

"What the hell?" Freddy asked, "Did you literally just beat your chest like a caveman?" Gideon had noticed too but said nothing; the bell rang ending the conversation and they went to their respective classrooms. 

Dan was driving them home, they had both gotten their driver's license, but Dan was the better driver of the two. 

“What the hell was that Dan?” 

“What?” 

“At lunch, with Freddy?” 

“Nothing,” 

“Dan,” 

“Leave it,” and because Phil could feel Dan’s struggle, he did. 

“So, I am going to design custom clothing for short men like me, not that you giants would understand, you’re all over 6 feet.” 

Freddy rolled his eyes, “Anyway, my parents are gone this weekend, you guys should come over tomorrow night,” 

“Oh, please tell me that you have alcohol,” 

“No shit, Gid, I’m not a loser,” He looked at Dan and Phil, “You in?” 

“We’re in,” Phil said, smiling. 

They knocked at the door, “It’s open,” Freddy yelled, Gideon was already there. “Put your stuff where ever,” 

“Why do you both look so shy? We’ve known each other for ages now,” 

“We haven’t ever been drunk,” Phil said, 

“Phil,” Dan hissed, 

Freddy shrugged, "Be glad you're here, you could be at some stupid cunt’s party instead,” 

“Freddy, are you always this bitter?” Gideon sighed, 

“You want the boos or not, Brit boy,” Freddy had taken to calling him that, It was out of endearment. 

“Idol threats, Goth boy, Idol threats,” 

Music was playing, they were all drinking, Dan and Phil started to relax 

“We have to play truth or dare,” 

“Fuck you, we do not,” 

“Please, Fred, it’ll be fun.” 

“I’m In,” Phil was pleasantly buzzing, he finally felt he could be himself; they hadn’t had to “act” for most of this year, it was a relief. 

“I do what he does,” Dan said, 

“Oh, we know,” Freddy said 

“What does that mean?” Phil asked 

“Are you serious right now? We aren’t at school,” 

“Why does that matter?” 

“Fred, let it go,” Gideon said, “Dan, truth or dare?” 

They had been playing for a while, all four of them were very intoxicated. 

“Phil got the shit kicked out of him, a lot in his sophomore year,” 

“Jesus, mate, I’m sorry.” 

Phil shrugged, “Pete hasn’t even said much to me this year,” 

“Yeah, come to think of it, where did he go?” 

“Probably jail,” Freddy said, causing everyone to laugh. Freddy moved closer to Phil, “Truth or dare,” he asked, looking into Phil’s eyes. Phil blushed, 

“Dare,” 

“Kiss me,” 

Phil laughed, “What?” 

“Fred, no,” 

“What? We’re just playing a game, It's just a dare,” 

“No,” Dan said, 

“And why would that be, Dan?" Freddy said, knowing full well. 

"Fred, knock it off," 

Phil could feel Dan’s fear, did Dan actually think Phil would do that to him? “Dan, look at me,” Dan met his eyes, “I’m not going to kiss him, Dan.” 

“Well, I guess it sucks to be me,” Freddy said, slamming the rest of his drink. “I’m going to bed, I’m too drunk. Sleep where ever,” 

Gideon breathed a sigh of relief, “Freddy likes to push buttons. How long have you known that you were," 

“Since the womb,” Dan said, 

“Wow,” 

“We were born on the same day,” Phil added, moving closer to Dan, 

“We started to crawl on the same day,” 

“We started to walk in the same week,” 

“And we said our first word on the same day, it was the same word.” 

“Wow, you guys are like soulmates,” 

"Yeah, I think we are," There was no need to act anymore, they were accepted here, they knew It was true. They were soulmates, they were meant to be together. It didn’t matter what the world labeled it as, or what people shouted at them. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t “what they were supposed to do,” it was Dan and Phil versus the world like it always had been. And it was love. 

“Well, I’m going to go to bed, give you some privacy that I can see you desperately need,” 

Phil moved closer to Dan, “Do you believe it? That we’re soulmates?” 

“Yes,” Dan raised his hand and patted his chest twice. pulled him closer and whispered, “mine,” 

“No, mine,” And he kissed Dan as hard as he could, holding him close. 

Gideon had gone back to the UK that June, "Don't go back to using those words, stop being so scared. Nothing changes if everyone is silent. You are both strong enough to speak up, so do that. Speak up, stand up. Do whatever you can. You all are tough enough to do that, I know you are." Dan and Phil had changed that day, they no longer used words they once had to fit in, instead, they spoke up and told those around them why the words hurt them. They joined the LGBTQ club, they stood up for the younger kids. No longer would they tolerate the "ignore it and it will go away" mentality. They were advocates, standing up for those who once had no voice. They grew and they learned. They started their senior year as a couple, they were out to everyone. It wasn’t easy, nor was everyone accepting, but they both agreed that for their final year, there would be no more “acting.” They stayed true to that and the entire year they were just Dan and Phil. They didn't try to impress anyone, they didn't do what they "were supposed to do," they were true to themselves. It was the last lunch period they would sit at this table, it was exciting, but it was also sad, they were leaving one of their own behind. 

“Fuckers, going to leave me here to rot,” 

“Sorry, Fred, it’s not like you don’t have our numbers,” 

“Yeah, yeah. Go on then, enjoy the rest of your lives,” He smiled. 

“We love you, Fred and you know it,” 

“Sure, sure, assholes,” 

It had been twenty years since they started their journey at Pine Oaks high, Dan and Phil were married now, had a dog and lived in a small house in the country. They had lost touch with Gideon, but they knew with his spirit, he was probably producing a clothing line somewhere in the UK. 

Freddy had died suddenly at the age of 28. It wasn't known how he had died, but it wasn’t until after the services that Dan and Phil had found out, the family kept it very private. They both mourned his loss in their own way, but as they were so connected, each of them grieved the same. The waves of guilt washing over them were multiplied; time had gotten away from them and they had lost touch with Fred, neither one could recall the last thing the had said to him. Life does that to everyone, it spreads people far and wide until one day it’s too late. it wasn't fair, but life rarely was. They would always remember how fearless he was and how he didn’t care what anyone thought of him, and now even if they shed a few tears, Dan and Phil smiled fondly when he crossed their minds. 

Things change, things get better, the world keeps moving. From the womb, Dan and Phil were connected and they would always be, maybe even after they died. They hadn't forgotten their "secret handshake," and every so often, one of them would pat their chest two times, reminding the other of their origin story and just how far they had actually come. They never wanted to forget that at one time, the only way they could show each other love, was in a way that nobody else could see. Their drive for life now was staying true to themselves, helping as many people as they could, kindness, and never taking the freedom they had today for granted. Because they knew no matter how bad it was, they were still one of the lucky ones.

**Author's Note:**

> This story means a lot to me. I pulled a lot of this from personal experiences.  
Freddy was a real person (His name was changed) who was one of the strongest people I knew. He protected me when I didn't even realize I needed it.  
Rest in peace, dear one.
> 
> Bingo Card:  
Historical AU


End file.
